1. You find yourself buying ridiculous items for your Saint Bernard that you once swore on your life you wouldn’t lay a hand on. And if your husband has more willpower than you and won’t let you, you have multiple websites booked with perfect presents for her first birthday dog party.
2. You rearrange furniture for the Saint Bernard. More open space means fewer broken lamps and airborn drinks launched.
3-You’ve given up on decorating your bed because you keep a permanent “dog blanket” on top of everything. Guilty.
4-. Your sleep cycle has been permanently altered. Waking up in the middle of the night is no longer a surprise, and being awoken by a sad, sad, hungry Saint Bernard whimpering for breakfast at 5:45 AM is like clockwork. You would think we never feed the thing. She acts like we starve her. (Is this starting to sound like a baby??)
5-When that sad, sad, puppy dog does whimper, you’ve learned to deciper her noises. Things like, “no honey, she’s moaning because she’s hungry,” “no honey, she just wants you to take her on a walk,” “no honey, she just wants to play,” “no honey, she really DOES need to go potty”.
6-Before you have guests over to your house, the first order of business is hiding any evidence of Saint Bernard hair for fear of being “those dog people.” And lighting a candle. In every room.
7-You’ve given up on caring for your hardwood floors, for they are no match to the slobbery jowls of a thirsty Saint Bernard. I speak not from personal experience. But I will say, it’s a pure act of God that a trail of water can make it from her water bowl in the dining room, all the way through the living room, past the front door, and into our bedroom.
8-You no longer have any privacy. Anywhere.
9-You spend more money on a bag of dog food and a bag of treats than you do a week of groceries for you and your husband.
10-You no longer care about your rugs, because all the corners have been chewed off.
But, after all of these things, the dog is your child and you love her like crazy